Supporting families facing grief
The Family Support Service offers free guidance and support on how to prepare your children when you, your partner or co-parent has been diagnosed with a cancer that can’t be cured. You may have been given a prognosis of a few years, or a few months, and be thinking ‘how am I going to tell the children?’.
Browse our recommendations of
What We Do
Our Family Support Team can:
- Guide you through the first time you talk to the children about your diagnosis, the conversations to come about treatment, and how to approach any other challenging conversations you may need to have when preparing them for the worst.
- Provide reassurance that you are doing the right things and guide you in areas where you identify you need some extra help.
- Offer ideas on how to make lasting memories for your family.
- Talk you through how to navigate any questions and emotions that come up.
- Make suggestions for books, apps and local services to give you additional support and information.
- Provide 1:1 emotional support for you, your partner or co-parent.
- Run small online peer support groups for both parents and young people aged 13-16.
Helpful Resources for Children
Pre-School +
The Colour Monster by Anna Llenas
Teaching children how to manage their emotions through colour. One day, Colour Monster wakes up feeling very confused. His emotions are all over the place; he feels angry, happy, calm, sad and scared all at once! To help him, a little girl shows thim what each feeling means through colour.
Pre-School +
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst and Joanne Lew-Vriethoff
With over 1.5 million copies sold, this accessible, bestselling picture book phenomenon about the unbreakable connections between loved ones has healed generations of children and adults alike.
Pre-School +
Why Do Things Die? by Katie Daynes & Christine Pym
This will be a forever book, as young children may not understand all the concepts now but may need to continue to process them as they get older. Explores children’s understanding about death, the facts and how we feel when people die too.
Primary
LCC x RSF Flash Cards
The flash cards use activities to help open up difficult conversations, to promote open and honest communication and hopefully take a little bit of the scary away from that big C.
Primary
‘This is About Me and You’
Parents and children can fill this in together, helping to understand our feelings, why their parent is unwell and what is happening – and might happen in the future. There are also spaces to record happy memories and learn about each other.
Secondary +
When an adult has cancer
My Parent Has Cancer And It Really Sucks by Maya Silver and Marc Silver. The book helps young people feel they are not alone. That no matter how rough things get, they will get through this difficult time. That everything they’re feeling is ok.
Secondary +
Online Support with Hope Support Services
A free, safe online support service including a peer support community so young people can share their experiences, and what has helped them. They have secure online 1:1 support sessions using Teams, voice, text, email or Facebook (ages 13-25)
Podcasts
Anticipatory Grief During a Terminal Illness
An episode by Persevering: Grief As Told by Young People. The podcast has been made by young people for young people on the experiences of loss. The podcast has been created by the charity Let’s Talk About Loss.
Jenni Thomas
A selection of podcasts covering child bereavement, produced in collaboration with The Angus Lawson Memorial Trust.
Life, Interrupted with Simon Thomas
Simon Thomas explores human endurance through the toughest times, in this episode speaking with RSF Founder, Andrew Strauss.
Bereavement Suggestions
Pre-School +
The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr
Told through the lens of a fish who has lost their companion, this very accessible picture book shows young children that even when goodbyes bring sadness and unfamiliar feelings, they ease with the help of time and support.
Primary
‘When I’m Gone’ by Margeurite McLaren
A beautiful book, encouraging children to hold their memories close and carry their parent with them as they grieve. There’s lots of permission to have sad, and happy, days ahead.
Primary
You Will be Okay by Julie Stokes
This book helps children and young people understand grief and find their own ways to grieve. “Grief is a tricky subject to explain to kids, but this book is a wonderful go-to expert toolkit!” – Dr Ranj Singh
Secondary +
We Need to Talk About Death by Sarah Chavez
This book explores the science and history of death, funerals and the afterlife with emotional insights into grief and bereavement, through the eyes of a young person. This is a gentle but factual book.
Secondary +
A Monster Calls, by Patrick Ness (Also a film)
The bestselling novel and major film about love, loss and hope from the twice Carnegie Medal-winning Patrick Ness. A very powerful story about a boy who is facing the death of his mother.
Secondary +
Apart of Me
Apart of Me is a game it helps young people who have a loved one with a serious illness or are coping with loss or trauma. Apart of Me has been designed by a child psychologist along with a team of expert advisors which includes the psychological support team at St Joseph’s Hospice. It is free to download at the Apple Store & Google Play.
Here To Help
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you support parents with cancers other than lung cancer?
Yes. We support parents and caregivers with any incurable cancer diagnosis.
Ruth had a type of lung cancer that affects non-smokers and if you are interested in our work in that area you can read about it here.
I have an incurable condition that isn’t cancer, can you support me?
No, however, we can signpost you to other specialist charities in your area who may be able to help.
Do you support families who live in a certain area?
We support families living anywhere in the UK, from Cornwall to Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland and everywhere in between.
We are unable to directly support families who live outside the UK but can offer limited signposting to organisations who may be able to help.
My children are over 18, can you offer me guidance on how to talk to them?
Yes. We offer guidance and support to parents and caregivers where their youngest child is under the age of 25.
I am juggling kids and a partner who is unwell sometimes. Do I have to sign up for a set number of sessions?
No. We understand life is complicated and busy and you might not always need us! Some parents and caregivers get all the guidance and support they need from the first initial consultation, others may need a few more, or come back further down the line when circumstances change and that’s ok.
Do provide counselling for adults?
Yes. When we first meet with you for your initial call, we will discuss whether counselling may be appropriate for the parents/care givers.
Do you provide counselling for children and young people?
No. We offer support to parents because they are best placed to support their children.
Children and young people facing the death of a parent don’t often need the intervention of specialists if their close network can support and involve them.
Do you run support groups for young people?
Yes. We know many parents are anxious about their young person, it can be an isolating time with worries about their parent with cancer, plus extra pressures in education and relationships.
We trialled Youth Peer Support Groups in 2023 because we saw this was a major gap in the support being provided by other UK wide charities and hospices. They were successful with young people who attended saying they felt less alone.
We plan to run more of these later in 2024. There are criteria that must be met, including a parent or caregiver must have had an initial consultation with our Team first. They are run entirely on Zoom and are small groups of up to 8 young people.
My partner/co-parent has died, do you provide bereavement support?
We offer early bereavement support to surviving partners and co-parents who were already receiving support from the Family Support team. If you are not already known to our service, please see the links for more information on bereavement services available for adults and children.
Do you see people face to face?
No. We cover the whole of the UK, so to make sure we can support as many people as possible we do this remotely using Zoom. If you are unable to use Zoom for any reason, we can call you.
Can anyone join your online pre-bereavement Support Groups?
No. The groups are for people who have received support from the Family Support Team and have had at least an initial consultation to ensure the groups are right for them. If you would like support, please go to our webform here ***
All groups are to support in pre-bereavement. If the parent with cancer has died before the group starts, the partner or young person will not be able to attend the group. However, the co-parent/partner will be offered one to one support with a member of the team.
*By pre-bereavement we mean the period before the death, so when the parent is living with incurable cancer
When is the best time to contact you?
You will hopefully live for many years, with more trials and treatment lines available for different types of cancer as research progresses, so we suggest you contact us when you are first told about your incurable diagnosis. This means we can be here for you throughout, from starting, then continuing these conversations. Some parents ask to see us when things change either in the family, when treatment stops, or how the children are responding to their parents’ health. We can discuss what is right for you in your initial consultation.
Here To Help You
National Bereavement Services
Browse our list of approved and recommended national bereavement services which could be useful for families facing one of life’s toughest tests.
For Children & Young People
Child Bereavement UK
Offers support across the UK for bereaved children and young people up to the age of 25 years old. Their support services include: Bereavement support via telephone, video or instant messenger and through some face-to-face locations.
T: 0800 02 888 40, open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm
E: support@childbereavement.org.uk
W: Child Bereavement UK
Winston’s Wish
Winston’s Wish supports children and young people after the death of a parent or sibling (bereavement support). Winston’s Wish advises parents to call their helpline number and they can advise them of the most suitable service for their needs.
T: 08088 020 021, open between 9.00am and 5.00pm, Monday to Friday
W: winstonswish.org
For Adults
Cruse Bereavement
They offer bereavement support and they work with adults and young people.
They have trained bereavement volunteers who offer a space to talk about your feelings and how you’ve been coping. Cruse have around 80 local branches across the UK offering one to one and group support.
T: 0808 808 1677 – See the website for opening hours.
W: www.cruse.org.uk
StrongMen
StrongMen provide free, UK wide support for men who have experienced loss of any kind, with peer support matched with other men who have been through something like you (Man2Man), they also have weekend retreats, and if needed, they have trained counsellors available (called Extra Time) for up to 12 sessions.
T: 08009 150 400
E: hello@StrongMen.org.uk
W: www.strongmen.org.uk
WAY Widowed and Young (under 50)
Way is a peer-to-peer nationwide organisation run by volunteers who have been bereaved of a partner. WAY charges an annual membership fee of £25 which gives you access to a helpline and this offers a connection to external providers who can offer free counselling, financial advice and legal advice. WAY have a large community online and in person across the country. The site also offers articles with information on practical, financial and social situations.
T: 0300 201 0051 Monday – Friday 09.30 – 5.00pm
E: hello@StrongMen.org.uk
W: www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
