Navigating Anticipatory Grief Henry’s Journey with the Ruth Strauss Foundation
When faced with the imminent death of a loved one, preparing through pre bereavement support can make a significant difference, especially for young people. For 17-year-old Henry, the death of his father, Alan, from brain cancer was an experience that demanded immense resilience.
Over 15 months, as his father was going through the illness, Henry turned to the Ruth Strauss Foundation for support. Through their peer support groups, Henry found solace, guidance, and a way to process his emotions. In this article, Henry shares his story of grief, family, and the vital role the Foundation played in helping him cope through the pre bereavement phase. Inspired by his journey, he has since become an advocate for raising awareness, hoping to help and inspire other families and teenagers facing similar challenges.
Understanding Pre Bereavement Support & Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief refers to the complex emotions experienced by those who know they are going to lose a loved one. This type of grief occurs before death and can be just as intense as the grief that follows. Pre bereavement support is designed to help individuals and families cope with these emotions in advance, providing guidance and emotional support while preparing for the inevitable.
This support is particularly vital for children and teenagers, who may struggle with understanding their emotions during this challenging time. The Ruth Strauss Foundation offers pre bereavement support to help families navigate these difficult emotional landscapes, ensuring they are not alone in facing the challenges of anticipatory grief.
A Family Bonded by Cricket and Football
For Henry, family life has always revolved around shared activities, particularly sports. From a young age, cricket was a passion that united Henry, his younger brother Alex, and their father Alan. Henry explains, “We’re both really into cricket and have been since we were really young. My dad got us into that.” Every summer, the family made time to watch and attend cricket matches, which became a tradition that fostered many cherished memories.
Facing the Reality of Cancer
Henry was 15 when his father’s health took an unexpected turn. Alan had a seizure during Henry’s school holidays, a moment that would forever change the course of their family’s lives. “He couldn’t really speak properly. They took him into the hospital, and at first, they thought it might have been a stroke,” Henry recalls. However, further tests revealed a far more serious diagnosis—brain cancer.
How Can RSF Help Teenagers Cope with Anticipatory Grief?
The Ruth Strauss Foundation (RSF) provides valuable support to families where a parent has an incurable cancer, including pre bereavement support for teenagers.
These groups create a safe space where teenagers can openly discuss their feelings and share their experiences with others who understand. Trained counsellors guide the conversations, providing essential emotional support and helping teenagers navigate the intense emotions of anticipatory grief.
How Did Henry Find Support Through the Ruth Strauss Foundation?
As Alan’s condition progressed, Henry’s mother introduced him to the Ruth Strauss Foundation and the peer support group. Henry, like many teenagers, was initially hesitant to join these sessions.
“At first, I was quite apprehensive about talking to people, especially other kids who had their own problems to deal with,” he admits. However, once he began attending, the sense of solidarity and understanding he found among his peers helped him feel less alone. These sessions allowed Henry to share his feelings and learn from others in a similar position.
”My mum initially recommended the peer support groups for teenagers. My dad knew I was doing it, and he was very supportive of that. I'm really grateful to my mum for recommending that kind of support.
Henry
Ellen has also shared her perspective on this emotional journey as both a wife and a mother. Her story provides valuable insight into how the family navigated this challenging time. You can read about Ellen’s experiences here.
The Importance of Open Conversations with Children About a Parent’s Cancer
Throughout Alan’s illness, Henry’s parents chose to be open and honest about what was happening, a decision that Henry greatly appreciated. “They were always really open with us. They always said they were going to tell us what happened first,” Henry explains. As a boarding school student, Henry valued the timing of these conversations, which allowed him and his brother to process the news together as a family.
“I think that was a really good decision because it kept what was going on within the family,” Henry reflects. This transparency gave Henry a sense of control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation. It also allowed the family to confront the reality of Alan’s illness together, strengthening their bond in the face of adversity. Pre bereavement support was crucial in helping Henry’s family stay united during such a difficult time.
The Challenge of Opening Up and Finding Support from Close Friends
For many young people, discussing death and dying is a daunting task, and for Henry, opening up about his father’s illness wasn’t easy. While he found comfort in the Ruth Strauss Foundation’s pre bereavement support group, he acknowledges the challenge of sharing his feelings. “I didn’t really go out as openly as other people and say what had happened,” Henry admits. In fact, he notes that some people at school may still be unaware of what he went through during his father’s illness.
Henry found solace in confiding in a trusted friend, who became a source of support during the most difficult moments. “Friends are really important, and it was helpful to have a close friend who knew what was going on,” Henry says. While he didn’t feel the need to announce his situation to everyone, having someone outside the family to talk to made a significant difference.
Henry also recognises that grief affects people differently, and not everyone is ready to talk about it openly. “Some people are really open and ready to talk about it, and I think I’ve always been a bit more reserved,” he reflects. However, he emphasises the importance of having at least one person to turn to for support, whether it’s a peer, family member, or therapist.
”I think everyone has a different reaction to grief or bad news, but it is good to go out and talk to people.
Henry
#RedforRuth
Moving Forward and Advocating for Awareness at Lord’s in 2024
As Henry looks back on his father’s final months, he feels grateful for the pre bereavement support he received from the Ruth Strauss Foundation and for the time he was able to spend with his father. “I think about my dad every day, not necessarily in a sad way, but in a pretty happy way because we spent some really good years together,” he shares.
Henry’s experience with his father’s cancer and the support from peer groups inspired him to help others facing similar challenges. In 2024, he took a bold step by advocating for anticipatory grief awareness during the #RedforRuth event at Lord’s Cricket Ground. In an interview with Sky Sports, Henry spoke about the importance of education and support for teenagers going through anticipatory grief.
His involvement not only highlights his personal journey but also his commitment to ensuring other young people have access to the same pre bereavement support he received. “I think my dad would be quite pleased that I’m going out to talk about it to other people, especially if this goes on to help other kids who see this and take inspiration,” Henry reflects on his decision to speak publicly.
Inspiring Others Through His Story
Henry’s journey with the Ruth Strauss Foundation is a powerful testament to the importance of proactive support during times of anticipatory grief. Through peer support groups, open conversations with his family, and a focus on creating lasting memories, Henry was able to cope with the challenges of his father’s cancer.
Today, Henry hopes that by sharing his story, other families facing similar circumstances will be encouraged to seek the pre bereavement support they need. “Even if you’re getting help from a therapist at school or elsewhere, I think it’s still good to try the Ruth Strauss Foundation’s peer support groups because they are quite different, really useful and unique from any other sort of help you can get,” Henry shares.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is pre bereavement support, and why is it important for families facing incurable cancer?
Pre-bereavement support helps families prepare emotionally for the impending loss of a loved one. It provides coping tools to manage anticipatory grief, offering guidance to support families, especially teenagers, as they navigate emotions related to incurable cancer.
How does the Ruth Strauss Foundation support teenagers in coping with a parent’s illness?
The Ruth Strauss Foundation offers peer support groups designed specifically for teenagers. These sessions provide a safe space for young people to share feelings, connect with peers in similar situations, and receive essential emotional support. Find out more about our services here.
How should I tell my child about a parent’s incurable cancer diagnosis?
Using age-appropriate language, being open, and honest are key. Encourage questions and reassure them of continued support. The Ruth Strauss Foundation offers guidance and free downloadable resources to help families have these difficult conversations.
Can the Foundation’s support help my child balance school and family life amid a parent’s illness?
Yes, pre bereavement support can assist teenagers in managing the balance between school responsibilities and family life during a parent’s illness. Peer support groups provide tools to help them maintain a sense of normalcy.
How do peer support groups benefit teenagers facing a family member’s incurable cancer?
Peer support groups connect teenagers with others experiencing similar challenges, allowing them to share experiences in a supportive environment. This connection helps reduce feelings of isolation, building resilience and coping skills.