Harriet & Rob’s Story
The Importance of Community Support in Grief
When a loved one is told they have cancer, it can throw a family into turmoil and feel incredibly isolating. Therefore, finding a community of people who have gone through similar experiences is frequently a great source of comfort.
That was the case for Harriet, who reached out to the Ruth Strauss Foundation in October 2022 after her husband, Rob, a fit and healthy Royal Air Force pilot who had never smoked, was diagnosed with incurable stage IV lung cancer. Their two children were seven and five.
“The Foundation gave us reassurance that we weren’t the only people going through this,” Harriet says. “To think there is actually a charity for people going through cancer with young children – the comfort of that was immeasurable.”
”Just to think there was someone else going through this journey, who made this legacy to help others, is incredible.
HarrietMother of Thomas & Lulu
The Role of Professional Emotional Guidance
Harriet came across the Ruth Strauss Foundation and straight away related to Ruth’s story, especially when her husband died in April 2023.
“I love the way Ruth approached her diagnosis and her death,” Harriet explains. “She was very open with the children about what was going to happen, and I think that gives the children permission to feel what they authentically feel.”
The Ruth Strauss Foundation helps families where a parent has an incurable cancer diagnosis, by guiding them how to have difficult conversations with children about their diagnosis.
The death of a parent can leave a long-term impact on a child’s wellbeing. Research indicates that the support children receive leading up to parental death can directly influence their ability to cope during bereavement.
Having access to professional emotional support can provide significant psychological relief for parents, too, as it offers them a reliable point of contact, guidance and reassurance during challenging times.
“I had a point of contact, which I didn’t always need, but I knew it was there,” she reflects. “I had so much guidance from my private sessions, even just telling me ‘You’re doing a great job’ – allowed me to do my best. I’ll be forever grateful. I would always encourage people to reach out as soon as they can.”
A Legacy of Compassion: The Impact of Ruth and Rob’s Journeys
In her final days, Ruth’s thoughts were almost exclusively centred on what her death would mean for her family, and what good could arise from this dreadful situation. It was then that the Foundation’s idea was born, out of Ruth’s desire to provide a support network for families in similar circumstances.
Reflecting on the Ruth Strauss Foundation’s impact, Harriet shares: “Just to think there was someone else going through this journey, who made this legacy to help others, is incredible.”
Rob, like Ruth, had been determined to use his own experiences as a force for good. Rob mentored people with less advanced cancer and through his kindness and support, became a beacon of hope for many facing the same struggles.
“He had such a fire in him to make a difference and was always there to help and support others,” Harriet says. “I know he would want me to be brave and make a difference too.”
Navigating Grief With Community Support
Having an outlet to help come to terms with grief is a crucial step in coming to terms with what is happening.
Many people supported by the Ruth Strauss Foundation have shared how invaluable it was to connect with others and share their experiences, both during the pre-bereavement stage and after a loved one has died.
Harriet participated in the Ruth Strauss Foundation’s peer support group and found it to be a safe and supportive space. “I felt I could’ve talked about anything,” she remarks. “Being told that ‘You’re doing everything that your kids need’ – brought immeasurable comfort.”
Expressing emotions and thoughts through therapy or creative activities can be an effective way to begin processing and moving forward. Harriet reflects: “It’s such a taboo for understandable reasons, but there is life after cancer, and I love that Ruth was open about it and wanted to make a difference.”
